Technology• The technology seems largely peripheral; shoehorned in without any real understanding of why it’s there and what it’s for.
• If Daniel and Jon are to converse in virtual space, when Daniel breaks off may be a good opportunity to introduce the mechanics of the rig and how you can be trapped in virtual space.
• Two sets of nano-bats makes a big issue of them – almost as though they were the key weapon in an arms race. If that is not the case, then they draw too much attention to themselves. If that is the case, then maybe there should be a hint at just how crucial it is to have the upper hand with them.
• Opening exchange between Jon and Mark. What is this about?
Characters
• CD – underdeveloped and next to redundant (Blake even shuts him off at one point)
• Daniel – cursory references to his past, but we never hear or see any evidence of it. Maybe if instead of simply renouncing his past, his focus has shifted to political and academic struggle, as opposed to militaristic physical action, then he can be imbued with a sense of “been there, done that, was the greatest”. 10 Weeks gives a good sense of this shift in approach. What if it is Daniel and not Jon who dies?
• Jon – Jon is lead character for 80% of the script. Appropriate? See below
• Blake – only emerges as the key figure right at the end – nice transition, may catch the audience off guard, as long as Blake has a clear role in the script before Jon’s demise – maybe as an explicit focus for Jon’s and Daniel’s aims – i.e. to give the next generation a life without The State. This can give Blake’s abilities with computers a different starting point, namely excelling in her schoolwork, not hacking about at home (although schoolwork alone would never explain her aptitude). Hacking about at home only gives the impression that she was already a part of the subculture to which the activists subscribe, therefore she wouldn’t be shocked or embarrassed to find out her father was an activist himself. Maybe if Blake was particularly apt with computers because her father taught her up himself against her wishes, the attitude being “Never get roped into that crowd, but just in case you do…” Kind of like a kid being taught sex ed (teacher says “don’t have sex, but here’s how to use a condom” kid thinks “urgh, sex is disusting, why would I want to do that anyway?”). It therefore makes sense that she be so good, having learnt from the best herself. It also might breed a latent resentment towards her father, which is only resolved once he is dead and she finds out the truth about him, thereby causing further grief and further setting her resolve against the state.
• Mark – simply there to bounce exposition off…?
Plot
• “Chief is watching” – as in Big Brother? Is that what we’re going for? I thought that the Chief was going to be an unseen menace. That the chief may at most be mentioned, but not in a 1984 sense, but never appear in Sanctuary, left for 10 Weeks.