T*

SRS diary

Here I am lying in ward8 south.The sun is shining out the window but it's scarf andgloves weather. I slept really badly, the unfamiliar noises, the lights on and off, the groans and perceptible discomfort of the sufferers aroundme. I feel like a phoney. Apart from a snuffy nose, I'm fine.

I'm feeling more and more nervous as each new problem breaks out on the ward. No need to overexaggerate but after-care is clearly not the best. I'm on free fluids, then clear fluids, (no difference) and yet I keep being offered food.

Rose, the elderly lady with the thick welsh accent, the lady near the window who is almost skeletal with the deflating Get Well balloon attached to her TV, Peggy the friendlist lady in the room who had a vascestomy and has picked up a chest cold. I woke up to hear her catologue of complaints being dictated to a nurse. Then there's Lianne who I thought was in for my op but actually she's KF (Klinefelder's syndrome), has been here two weeks, and is being treated for cancer and who I can hear bitterly complaining right now about something botched.

With every hour I'm feeling more and more like a patient. Whether it's psychosomatic, the laxative I've been living on for twelve hours now, or just nerves I'm starting to tingle and my heart rate went up. My fun all starts tomorrow.

For some light reading I've just devoured Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters.
Quote from p. 223: "Bad cheap vaginas with hair-growing scrotal skin used inside, still growing hair, choked with hair. Picture perfect, state-of-the-art vaginas lengthened using sections of colon, self-cleaning and lubricated with its own mucosa."

Lovely. Being easily influenced,I read the above and freak. Shit! Should I call this whole thing off? Save up for some decent after care? A ward without infection? A trip down to Hertch and his colon transplant technique? I finish the book and reflect on the fact that there's nothing new coming out. Chuck's a bloke, hell he wrote Fight Club didn't he? I'm the one with the real-life test under my belt. I'll persist with my high faluting notions of being the fullest woman I can be.

Vigilence will be key after the op. Dilate with extereme prejudice.

Today is going to drag on forever I can tell.

Lianne is a nurse and very reassuring about the procedure and team, although a little less so about after-care.

Day passed quicker than expected thanks to Mich,Christine andSimon. SpoketoLiz on the mobileand later on the whole famapartfrom Nonna.Was feeling completely relaxed until Lianne comes over slagging JB. The penny drops. Peggy remindsme to stay positive and remindsme that
Debby, last bed occupant was all happy. Look forward to it. I am positive.